It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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