I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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