Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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