What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
