mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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