Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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