Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We got so high we made milksteak
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
