i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
