My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
