I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
