she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
