I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
