Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
