So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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