Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's always time for handjobs
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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