So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
