at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
