Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
