just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
