my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
