my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
