also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
