you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
