You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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