In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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