I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
