i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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