your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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