I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I want is dick and wine.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
