I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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