Acid is not a monday night drug
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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