Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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