dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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