Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
