i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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