do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
