So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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