My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
