the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Text me some of your sweat
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
