somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
