Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
