If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
