i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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