I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
