You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
