I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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