now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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