another moral hangover. fuck.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
