2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm so fucking centered right now
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
