my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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