It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
