i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
