I'm going to jail i love you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
