'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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