Can Purell be used as lube?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
